family bonds

OK, family has a difficult time with our relationship. My oldest son is quite opposed and some of his opposition is for religious reasons. I had drilled it into his head that he should marry a Christian girl and my actions seem quite hipocritical. They are. But, maybe we should be more flexible on this point. Afterall, I know too many people who are married to “Christians” and their “Christianity” is not the same. They still don’t believe in the same things or exactly practice their faith together or in the same ways. And, I know too many christians that are just that, in name only. They say that they are Christian, but I don’t see the love anywhere.
I also realized that I tend to have different values than many of the so-called Christians that I meet.
They are more tolerant when it comes to war, capitalism and other worldly things.
I need to say that I feel like I am a
Democratic socialist Christian.
I have said it and any of my Christian friends who know me — they know that my actions fall in line with this.
I have even been called a “communist,” but just in the sense that I adhere to communal living and equitable distribution of wealth and opportunity. I feel a sense of community and tend to shun materialism and capitalism.
In fact, I don’t believe that Jesus practiced capitalism and neither did the Church in Acts:
so I would be happy with a more equitable distribution of wealth, etc.
If anyone wants to discuss scripture on this point, please leave a comment. I have thoroughly researched it.
(Sorry, I got off topic)
Many people (I find) say that they are Christian, but they hold on to envy, favoritism or their material goods. They support some sins and reject others. They justify the ones that they support. For example: let’s take abortion or even the death penalty. If God says not to kill, why are we engaging in these acts of baby killing, revenge killing or enemy killing? How can we love our enemies and kill them at the same time? So, are they really “Christian” in practice? There is a difference between
sinning unknowingly,
sinning and attempting to turn from temptation
sinning and justifying the sin or at least not turning from it.
I am sure that there are many scholars that have written on the subject and when I find such, I will try to insert these scholarly articles into my blog as a link.

In any case, I seemed to be a hipocrit and any attempt would be a justification of that stance unless I admit that my previous stance was wrong.
Here is my admission!
Although, I am not sure if it sounds more like justification.
In any case, we are together and we will proceed from there and if I am/was a hipocrit in this, I pray that the Lord make it totally clear to me and give me similar tests until I cease being someone who puts my desires before his will.
I am certain that he will continue to mold me!

His family has a problem because of my age. I am past (for the most part) the child bearing years. I feel some guilt about this because I want to give him a child and the chances are slim.
But, he has assured me that he can live with this fact and if he wants children, we have also talked about adopting.
I am inclined to adopt (at least four — but he would have other ideas) blind children: you know, disabled children are seen as unworthy of adoption. We would take them to live in America. I’d like to adopt a few blind children. No, I don’t have a hero complex. I know many adoptive parents who have this:
“I saved them from a fate worse than death — so many applause for my good deeds) kind of attitude.
I just want to find children that are in need of parents and opportunities and give them what they desire. And, we could bond as a family because I also know what it is like to be blind and in that way, we will have a connection.
But, that is my tangent.
I must admit, most people stay on topic when they are blogging.
I don’t. Sorry to anyone who is reading it, although probably it is just for my blogging benefit, alone.
His family does have serious concerns.
As far as his family, they would have rather arranged his wonderful marriage to a sighted Pakistani girl.
His father sent me a very polite letter asking me to discontinue the relationship.
Sure, there were a few stereotypes about American Women sprinkled about. But, I think that he thought that he was being quite polite.
It will be an uphill battle. Sometimes I think that I am not ready for such a thing.
There are other times when I feel that we will manage to overcome such obstacles.

And, I can’t say that my family is accepting either. It is just that I am the matriarch of my family — (my four children and I) and so although my children (especially DJ) will have a problem with the marriage, there is not much that he — or they can do but accept it.
If they choose to disengage with me — (which I seriously doubt that they will) then, I must accept this.
Actually, while I am relatively certain that they will not, I think that there still will be a period of disengagement and/or adjustment. I abhore family drama. I want our family to continue to be bonded and close. I fear that I am putting a strain on that bond.
Yet, I know that many life choices will put strains on family bonds, like a move, other decisions and so on.
Besides, DJ has been in Japan since May, 2009, so “disengagement” would mean, not answering emails and calls. He has already proven to be supportive, even when he does not agree or finds it hurtful.
He is afraid that I am replacing him. This is common for the oldest male in a single parent household. He is quite protective.
He is in Japan and in the navy. This, in itself, has put a bit of a strain on our relationship. I have another whole blog about my feelings as a military mother.
Now, I am not cold when it comes to family.
My family is quite important to me: especially my immediate family.
I yearn to belong and bond with a group of people and for me, that was my family.
My children and I have quite a strong bond and I don’t want that to change.
Imran knows this and supports it.
And, if ever his family comes to the USA, I will support his strong family bond, as well!
This means, in tangible terms: I will want them to stay with us, cook and clean for them and do my best to make them feel comfortable.
I know that there are many Americans that love their space and would not do this for their in-laws.
But, as he understands my infinite bond with my children, I will understand his with his parents.


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