first family reunion: first intercultural marriage, (more firsts)

My mother’s side of our family: (My mother’s mother’s side) decided to have their first family reunion, ever. We had never had one before. and, I would be bringing my new husband to the first one ever.
dominika took pics and I am not savvy enough to link the album that is on facebook to the blog page.
[Sorry, but if you find me on facebook, you can see them].
I must admit that I was a little anxious.
But, my mother was quite supportive.
It is worth noting that she was not very supportive of my first marriage and I think that she wants to make up for her bad behavior (even though it was more than a decade ago).

so, she calls and asks questions — naive ones, but with an inquisitive nature.
“does he have to pay your father to have you as his wife?”
“Are you allowed to touch his Holy Book, the Quran?”
“What if he wants more than one wife?”
“When you marry, will he let you work?”
“Will you start wearing the head scarf?”
Ok, I have had to field lots, but they were asked because she honestly “did” not know.
But, she has also been supportive of him:
“you should move closer to his work.”
did she forget that I just moved in March?
and, does she forget the hastle involved in packing????!!
anyway, sorry for the digression.

my daughter was there (she is also intercultural: African-American and white), but her and my dh were the only two brown folk.
and, it was in quite a remote setting: small country town (hard to find) with small fire station.
But, when we get there, we are greeted by many family members.
they are anxious to see my dh, just to say “hello.”
There were some who came around to talk.
My cousin M had some interesting stories about coal mining and DH and he talked a bit about the minars in Chile.
Sounds like we need to take a field trip to the mine to see first hand.

[this is one of the perks of being in an intercultural relationship — all the things that you have not done as a child, you can do under the presumption of “letting him experience it for the first time. — We are doing it in the name of cultural expansion.”]

My cousin, the prison guard, also had some interesting stories to tell.
He assures me that “yes, blind people are just like anyone else!” He knows because some have ended up in prison, as well.
… Way to get a prospective.
and, what did my dh eat?
Well, he doesn’t like turkey. He won’t eat ham. (I didn’t either). But, there was chicken which was spiced with basil and garlic. I thought that he would not like it, but he did.
I found out that he does like sweet potatoes.
He ate corn.
And, HE, like everyone else, thinks that my mother’s banana strawberry creamy dessert is the bomb.
Now, I think my mother likes my dh because… …. well, he has a job. — and a pretty good one, acording to my family’s standard of living.
My older sister’s husband just got a job as a maintenance man because my sister has decided to go back and get her masters.
He has not worked for 10 years.
And, my younger sister’s (as of October 1, an exact week after my own) husband does not like to work much.
My mother’s husband worked for quite a long time doing many things. they eventually owned a trucking business with about four trucks, but had to give it up to care for a grand child.
(not mine)
He, her husband, retired early and she still works part time at Walmart. She is a hard worker but has a problem with “lazy” guys. my dh has proven that he is not lazy and will provide….. big points with my mother.
So: a guy who has a job is pretty important and sometimes “rare” in our immediate family.
My older sister, who is a bit exclusive, anyway, only said: “I know many doctors named Ahmed.”
(she is a highly paid nurse).
[it is strange that her associates degree in nursing pays her more than my BS in social work and probably more than a Masters in this field would pay me].
My younger sister is much more chatty.
All in all, it was a good first and we were invited back.
They had a sale to pay for the use of the fire station. i decided to get a $2 fondu (don’t know how to spell it) set. My DH likes to collect radios. So, he paid $10 for an alarm clock radio.
[one which we have not even sat the alarm on, yet because it is digital and blind people can’t set the alarm].
He just had to have that radio. So, ok.
I am thinking about getting him xm radio for christmas to put in our room so he can listen to cricket on the xm radio and not his laptop. We don’t have and don’t need TV, necessarily.
But, I know that he really likes listening to the cricket matches.
[It takes the same amount of time to listen to cricket highlights, as it does to watch an entire basketball game].
……[I am just sayin’].
So, any good suggestions about a great “cricket” gift, let me know.
We will be celebrating Christmas; but I do wish that I could have got it in time for the upcoming EID.
[He mostlikely won’t read the blog unless I ask him to, so we are good].

Keeping on track; It was, for the most part, “normal.”
— or as normal as it can be.
No one made any remarks about terrorism, Islam or any other controversial subject.
Granted, there was no alcohol.
That always helps instigate snide remarks.
But, all in all, it was good.

We came home with two pieces of chicken, some cheesy potatoes and some mac&cheese. We had a small piece of cake: — remember he is trying to get in shape for the mini marathon?
Dominika ate the mac&cheese.
We had the rest for the next day’s dinner.


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7 Responses to “first family reunion: first intercultural marriage, (more firsts)”

  1. thedosagirl Says:

    My grandfather told me “Don’t have kids with that guy. I was in the war and I know. I don’t trust those people”. My grandpa was in World War II. Hindu people had nothing to do with that war and that makes no sense! HA HA! Oh well, who ever it is family will always find a way to complain..or at least some people in mine will!

    • jamily5 Says:

      haha. Actually, both of my grandfathers are not living anymore, but if they were; I know that they would have serious problems with my relationship. In fact, I can remember both of my grandfathers making racist comments. I haven’t met a family yet that doesn’t have those kind of people somewhere in the family unit. But, now, Pakistan is associated with terrorism. And, well, I guess, I say: I don’t care what they are saying when I am not there, just as long as they respect us when we are around.

  2. Ek Larki Says:

    Hello Jamily5,

    Just wanted to let you know that I have recently started reading your blog and it’s very interesting. You have some very unique experiences going on here. As of right now, I have just browsed through all your posts. But I was wondering where is the post about you guys getting married? I did see the one where you were talking about planning it and how about some pics of the wedding too only if you don’t mind. Keep sharing your thoughts with us, you are a very good blogger.

    • jamily5 Says:

      Hi, thanks for asking. I did not yet post about our marriage. We are having two weddings: no, nothing glamorous like (Pakistani and American) We went to the courthouse and married. And, we will be having the religious celebrations in June or July. I’ll write about it though. And….. THANKS for reading and commenting!!!! Jamily

  3. sjtp Says:

    “all the things that you have not done as a child, you can do under the presumption of “letting him experience it for the first time.”
    I love it. (smile) I think we do that, too — we hide under the cover of the “other person” wanting to do something or hear a detailed background of something.

    I also love that you can just talk openly about him without worrying that he will notice on here. A is very much like that!

    We had a courthouse marriage before our family wedding, too. Ours was practical (needed my SS card when we went to his parents’ house to change my residence and get an ID with my new name) and emotional (unhappy with how wedding planning went, wanted something that was just us and without so much conflict).

    • jamily5 Says:

      Hi SJTP, I plan to write a “wedding post,” but, yes, there are lots of things that complicate weddings. There are so many things that I think of doing and the fact that “he has not done them before,” gives me the courage to try them again. for example: I never liked haunted houses as a child. But, maybe next Halloween, I will go with him, because: 1. I have not been in a while and maybe they have changed (are they less cheesy) and gotten better 2. He has not been to an american haunted house 3. even things that I have experienced before; seem to have a different flair when we do them together. ____ I’d love to hear about both weddings.

    • jamily5 Says:

      I still need to get the new ID.

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