finally working

Can someone feel joy and frustration at the same time?
Yes! they certainly can.

I had two interviews within the last month.
the first was for an administrative assistant. the position is with the same company that Imran works for. He, actually, forwarded me the position. I applied. I would not be working in the same building as he would be working. But, it is still within the same company. I went for the interview. but, I honestly did not think that I would get the job. I don’t think that I did that well in the interview and It was clear that I would not be the first choice.
The second interview was just last week. It was with a rival company. The job is either “community Guide,” or the “full time Advocate,” or even the “part time Advocate.” they had three positions available.
I actually want a job with this company more. It appeals to my social work sensibilities and degree. I would be working with blind consumers, finding and referring resources, helping with daily independent living skills and doing all types of “social worky” stuff.
I don’t know any of the specifics of the job, such as pay, benefits, insurance, etc.
They were suppose to call me Tuesday if they wanted me to come in for a second interview.
I have not gotten a call yet. I have left one email and one voice message.
but, I thought that (the interview with company number 2) went quite a bit more smoothly than my first interview.
today, I got an offer from:
the company that Imran works for — interview number 1. the position is “Administrative Assistant,” and they offered me the position.
$15 an hour which translates into 30k annually,
free health/dental/vision screenings,
3absent days, 6sick days, holidays.
We do get some bonuses.
And, it says:

Health Benefits eligibility for insurance benefits is contingent upon hours worked.

Benefits will begin the first day of the month following 90 days from date of hire.

Health Insurance

PPO Plan or High Deductable Plan See Human Resources for costs.

PPO Plan Rx Drug Program

$10.00 Generic $30.00 Brand Formulary
$60.00 Non-Formulary Generic or Brand

Life Insurance

Equal to annual earnings or $15,000 (whichever is greater). Maximum benefit $100,000.
(All company paid)

Dental Insurance

Company pays for employee/See Human Resources for dependent costs

VSP Vision Plan

Company pays for employee/See Human Resources for dependent costs
Long Term Disability
All company paid.
403(b) Plan (Pre-Tax Retirement Savings)
All employees are eligible for the voluntary 403(b) plan.
Company match is currently 25% of employee contribution after one year (minimum of 1000 hours) of service.”
(I know that the insurance is through Anthem).
So, do I take it?

Hubby says “yes.”
I had my reservations: ones which seemed quite foreign to him.

1. I did want to work more in a social work field – this is in office and sales
2. I did not think that it was a good idea to say “yes,” and then, if the other job came through, I would have to quit the first.
But, Imran was almost amazed that I did not just take the offer on the spot. “with the current economy…..”
“You know how hard it is for blind people to get a job…..”
“You have been praying for a job…..”

“You act ungreatful….”

I just wanted someone to understand.
sometimes, I think that my desire to volunteer and serve the community in a positive way eludes him. and, I won’t be teaching English anymore, either because that was on Tuesday afternoons.
I don’t think that he sees the value of volunteer work, anyway.
“If they are not paying you, you shouldn’t do it!”
(but, that last comment might be just me writing while I am in a place of frustration).

maybe he just has no concept of my deep desire to assist those who are in need. I mean, I don’t have sympathy, I try for empathy and I believe that it is a good purpose: what we are all called to do in some way. and, I feel that it is a job where I can “connect” with people. I am more interested in making a difference in the lives of others than making the all mighty buck.
Money is great! But, there is something more.
I can’t imagine a person who doesn’t feel that pull to give of themselves by sharing their knowledge, resources, wisdom, etc.

Of course, he is right. I should take the job. After all, why would I apply for a job that I am not willing to take.
and, they have not called me for the second interview, yet. and, in my last discussion (at my interview last week) they said that they were looking to fill the positions quickly: which perplexed me because I could have taken any of the three openings and been glad. and, if they were looking to fill them quickly…. … and i had the right qualifications…. … and the right experiences…… ????

Granted, the company is going through changes and that could be good or bad.
It was not the general decision that I had a problem with.
I am quite nervous (office duties is not my fortay and I’ll have to work a bit to understand all of the software, filing, etc).
and, I actually asked my daughter and family because I did want their opinion and wanted them to feel as if they could talk with me about this decision.

It wasn’t that I was not going to take the job… …
it was just…. ….
I wanted to talk about it. I wanted to have my feelings and thoughts understood.
Again, it was not the final decision. It was the fear of starting a new job, the desire for the other position, the swirl of thoughts and feelings that I wanted him to understand.
i was more astonished at the fact that he didn’t understand my heart.
Maybe it was speaking a language that he just doesn’t understand.
I wonder what language we will be speaking when we discuss money matters?
We have discussed it before:
but, it seems that reality is much different than hypothetical discussions!
Wish me luck!


Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

17 Responses to “finally working”

  1. Sara Says:

    I can relate to what you’re saying. A has a wonderful heart and cares deeply about human rights, social justice, etc. He admires my drive to serve people and the amount that I care. And, we went round and round and ROUND before he stopped asking me about ways to get rich off the skills I’m learning. (smile) He’s entrepreneurial (sp?) and business-oriented; it took a long time for me to get his worldview, and him mine. I now think in terms of things I could do “on the side” to bring in money (to support comparatively low-wage and volunteer work). We also have an agreement that if we move as a family to pursue a really fantastic job offer for him mid-career, I can do whatever I want, paid or unpaid.
    I have a break between 11:30 and 2 if you want to talk then. I know I sometimes know what the “right” decision is, yet need to “get there” in a way that assures me that I’m not losing or sacrificing a part of myself to take that “right” path.

    • Sara Says:

      Hmm…perhaps “right” wasn’t the best word. Don’t want to communicate a bias toward taking the job offer, waiting, or turning it down. (smile)

      • jamily5 Says:

        Hi sara, I’ll call. No, I’ll take the job. I do know that I should, for now. Even if the other place finally offers me ajob, I would have worked there for (however long) and would have gotten some more experience. Yes, I do feel like a part of me will be “sacrificed.” I don’t think that Imran understands that part. He sees charity in a whole different way than i do. I mean, giving is a good thing. god will reward us. Volunteer work should be temporary and done when “all” are volunteering. If my boss is getting paid, then, why shouldn’t I? sometimes, I feel like he resents my work because it takes time from him. (blush) I hate admitting this. I hope that it is not true. But, I could never get him to understand the desire for me to assist others in similar situations: for me to give of myself freely and without hesitation and without anything in return. I am not sure if he thinks that “giving” is reserved for Eid days and such or just that I should “give” only once in a while and save most of myself for my family. I’m taking the job. It will be good experience. But, Yes, what will I lose in the process? I already canceled my english learning class today. OK, the class is not canceled, the “paid coordinator” will teach it. But, I won’t. And, I already miss doing it. I look forward to teaching English and do it willingly. Now, any job that I found would make it so that I would have to cancel teaching. I am just saying that I am glad that you understand this because I can’t explain it to anyone — much less Imran who certainly does not understand. And, yes, I don’t know how to deal with these feelings or find a way for me to serve, etc. and Imran perceives that I don’t want the position or that I am ungreatful or that I really don’t want to work, etc.

        Imran has to help me with the signing of the papers. they are in PDF and this computer does not have that software on them. But, I’ll call during your break. thanks. Jan

    • Jubeee Says:

      How timely. I am an unabashed liberal. I began my education in Social Work and finished in Political Science. I work for a working people’s advocacy group. My A is a businessman. He wants to make money, he believes that everyone has the same shot and its all about personal responsibility. He finds it hard to empathize with those who are less fortunate. Our world views clash and we get into so many arguments, they get so heated I need to walk away. I hope we can resolve this.

      • jamily5 Says:

        Hmmm, that makes four people that I know in the social work/social science field who have married Pakistanis/Indians/South Asians. and, another who is a nurse. Is there a trend/pattern here. I hear you, Jubee! We go round and round about it! and, i imagine that this won’t be my last. If you find a formula that works, let me know. Hmmm, I must give this more thought.

  2. Sara Says:

    I think sometimes men also don’t get the “I just want to talk through it.” A is better than most, I think, and often needs to “talk through” his own decisions, too.
    Not sure if it’s part of it, but A’s view of the world is that you work hard, earn as much and build as big of a business as you can, raise your family, and then at the end of your life you turn to the rest of the world. He argues that the volunteer work he does now can have a little impact, but once he has all the skill and connections at the end of his career, plus seed money, he can have a much greater impact.
    I also wonder if part of it is growing up in a place with so much need and poverty side-by-side with middle class and wealth? (I’ll stick to Indian Hindus, rather than the more inclusive South Asians, because I don’t know how much applies to Pakistanis and Muslims) My sense is that many Indians take lower classes for granted and kind of don’t “see” them, similar to how African Americans were invisible. A has said that his mom bragged that they don’t have child labor in India, while a 14 or 15 year old domestic was in the house (or something to that effect); he said she just didn’t notice the girl or think of her as a child.
    Unfortunately, beliefs about karma (effects from one lifetime predestining good and bad events in the next, not day-to-day things like Americans use the term for) can be used to justify not helping, because “they must deserve it” and I think even “they have to suffer through this to make up for past deeds.” I hear echoes of that in some Christian teachings, including the currently popular health-and-wealth gospel and “just have enough faith” messages. Christians also have the “suffer on earth for greater rewards in heaven” thing sometimes (a friend’s mom has a heartbreaking tendency to say this instead of feeling empowered to make changes in her life and seek strong friendships). I wonder if all organized religions have a way of “explaining away” suffering, including illnesses and disabilities. If it’s explained away, one is absolved of any duty to respond.

    Hmmm…think I’m off-topic now. But now that I’m onto Christian beliefs, I’ll say that even among churches, a lot of volunteering seems to be motivated by a desire to spread their ideology and faith (even with the best of intentions there — I get that, based on their beliefs, it’s an important gift to give someone) rather than purely to reduce the suffering of another human being and share in that person’s life.

  3. Jubeee Says:

    Congratulations! In this economy its so hard to find a job, even if its not the dream job work is work and will give you a new opportunity you can apply else where. Good Luck!

  4. M Says:

    Congrats on your new job. I agree with Jubeee. In this economy, especially, it is a great thing to be employed for the time being. However, I really hope you hear back on the Advocate job. It sounds wonderful, and you seem to be such a great person for that role. If you go on faith and gratitude by taking the new job, you can always quit for your Advocacy job however quickly it comes about.

    When I first started dating my boyfriend (who is an engineer and Pakistani), I had to sit him down in front of the movie, Taare Zameen Par, to get him to feel how I feel about the work I do. Back then, he and I were in the all-roses phase…he was so happy to be sharing my journey with me. He adored my passion for my Therapy work. Well, fast forward 3 years… We fight often about how my job isn’t lucrative and his is. He and I have *completely* different ideologies about helping in the community and serving others. I get a fulfillment from my work that no amount of money would be able to do for me. He doesn’t get it. Still. Honestly, the rift is so big that this may prevent us from getting married! I’m really not sure I can continue in the relationship if I feel devalued just because I don’t make as much money as he does. Anyway, I think I’ve overshared here (sorry!). I’m really glad I came across your post. I can relate to it so much.

    Hoping the best for you!

    • M Says:

      Scratch often. Constantly. We fight constantly about it. 😦

      • jamily5 Says:

        Hi InterculturalMela (sorry I got your name incorrect in that last comment). If I take this position, I’ll have to give up my teaching english to Refugees. I will miss the people and the teaching. I enjoyed finding ways to make the English come alive for them. I enjoyed getting to know the people. (I wonder if Nimeh has had her baby yet). We would play games and I would bring in objects to help them understand the lessons. I tried to make it interesting. I would sit in a circle and teach — not standing at the board looking down on my pupils kind of thing. Now, I think that I can do a class in the evening; but, I am hesitant to approach him with the idea. I know what his thoughts will be: even if he modifies his response. But, I don’t even think that he realizes how much I will miss doing this.

      • jamily5 Says:

        Hi InterculturalMela, (again) I was just thinking. when I first brought my profession and my desire to volunteer or help people to Imran, I found other Pakistanis who did the same thing. I found the Edhi foundation and I tried to find Pakistani organizations to help; so he kind of felt part of it, also. You know, “I am helping his people” kind of thing. Maybe that softened him a bit. I am not sure. But, it made the concept more palletable for him… … at least in the beginning..

    • jamily5 Says:

      Hi Interculturalmela and all, thanks for the congratulations. I am to start on Monday, so I will post on how it goes. I do admit that some of my apprehension is my feelings of inadequacy. I feel much more proficient with social work than I do with office management skills.

      culturalMela, Please don’t worry about disclosing too much. It stays here! and, I appreciate you sharing because I thought that I was the only one and that I was just weird or something. and, the thing is: it seems so foreign to him… … but, it is not just a pakistani thing, because it seems a bit (maybe a little less) foreign to my family, as well. I mean, I do get a satisfaction out of the work that I do; but, you are right, to him, it is just a means to obtain income. Income is *Good, I am not wanting to live a life of poverty. But, there is something more than just “income.” What about Job satisfaction and feeling like you are truly contributing something to other people’s lives? Well, anyway, we have talked and talked about this before. and, where my parents are grudgingly understanding, I really do think that it is a concept that he can’t understand. I don’t know why. When the floods happened in pakistan and we talked about sending money to help, I was all for it. and, he was moved to send money as well. I am not sure if he just felt that it was his duty or his heart truly went out to those who lost their houses/everything else. But, for me, I want a more personable way of “helping.” sure, money is good. But, I would rather be more direct in my assistance and actually “help in person.” Since that can’t be done with the Pakistan floods, obviously, I was content to send money. Yet, I wondered: Wouldn’t it be better to send things? Probably not because the shipping and “things” cost less in Pakistan – so money actually was the best option.

      Once, I went on a mission to find all of the Pakistani charities that assisted those in need. There are quite a few documents and articles written about the Edhi foundation. Hey, Bilquis Edhi is a social Worker. So, there is hope! And, I believe that the woman who runs the “SOS villages,” for children (A group of foster families in one place with a school, also; there are many in Pakistan), (I believe her name is Ghazala) is also a social worker. but, I can’t be sure. for Imran, it is not the money issue. He doesn’t mind that I make less. But, he thinks that I should get paid for what I do. and, if I did, then, it is just a job. As you can see, I write very long and involved posts. the thing about Imran is: he wants to start a braille library for blind people in Pakistan. there is no Braille library in Pakistan. The closest is in India and libraries in other countries will send braille books to pakistan, but it is a long process. Now, projects that would increase braille learning swirl around in my head and I wonder if we can’t get it started when we actually do go to Pakistan. “Let’s start finding people from your school to help us. Networking and finding lots of blind people will be a key. Maybe a “braille Rallye….” {another post, sorry} But, from his “braille library” initiative, I know that he has a heart to help. Yet, we are so different in our methods, idiology and objectives. I mean, the end goal may be the same, but all of the other parts of the achievement process are marketably different. Anyway, it sounds like I have two or three posts brewing; just from my thoughts from the comment section of this post. thanks for responding! Keep in touch!

      —– Original Message —–

  5. Jubeee Says:

    speaking of, we just had the conversation about why he wants to become a millionaire and how I am strange for not having that desire. Then he went on about how rich people work hard and are great, I walked away…

    • jamily5 Says:

      Remind him of his police, Jubee! I hear that Police in Pakistan and India take bribes and are rich, but are lazy. Just a note of warning from experience: If you are arguing about this subject, don’t try to bring a spiritual aspect into it: You might be right, but you won’t get a good reception! You have been warned! (smile)

      • Jubeee Says:

        believe me, I’ve brought up how greed is a sin. apparently in Islam it is not and we fought about that.

      • jamily5 Says:

        I could find proof in the Quran, but what is the use? the statements that start: “But, doesn’t the Quran say that…..” never end in a “you know, I didn’t realize that the quran said that, you are right.” Rather, it ends in a: “I’m Muslim, I’ve read the Quran more than you have: In fact, I even started memorizing it.” Actually, we have only had that exchange a couple of times; the other times, I’ve gotten silence. So, he might not have said it, but he sure wanted to.

      • Jubeee Says:

        I don’t actually know if it is or it isn’t, this is what he’s said to me.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: