sleeping contraversies

I promise, I am going to get back to our “trip.” It is only about six weeks away and I need to make a packing list. DH says that he never makes lists. He just commits it to memory and if he doesn’t remember it, then it was not that important. this is not my philosophy. But, that is for another time.
I have not searched the gori desi blogs, and I am wondering if I am duplicating a post: or having an experience that someone else has had. but, I am too tired to search the blogs. So, this is my post, no matter how redundant.

One reason we did not choose a pediatrician from the hospital was because they kept asking us questions like: “So, do you have some sighted help at home to watch the baby while he is on the changing table, so he does not fall?” … … TOO MANY ASSUMPTIONS!
1. changing tables usually have straps.
2. As a blind mother, I keep one hand on the baby or am directly in front of the table,(That is, if I had one), which means that I get everything prepared before putting child on the table.
3. I don’t have — nor want a changing table. That is just too much furniture and I can do just as good at diaper changing on our bed, etc.
The pediatricians and nurses were also continuously hastling me about “co sleeping.” Our baby does not have his own room, he does not need it. I reject the notion that he should learn independence at this age. A co-worker of DH’s suggested that we should already be teaching him to “Self soothe.”
In a seemingly unrelated situation, our new iphone cases did not come in on time. DH threw a fit. He called everyone he could and even swore loudly. I suggested that he learn to “self soothe.” that did not go over well! But, he got my point.
When the baby cries, it is not because he is selfish and just wants our undivided attention. he is only weeks old. A cry is the only way he can tell us that he needs something. He could have gas, want to eat, need to be changed, want to be held, be a bit bored, etc. somehow, the popular philosophy is to satisfy the baby’s physical needs (food, drink, clothing, shelter), but if the baby just wants attention or human contact, we should deny this to them because it will spoil them. And… … what is wrong with needing human contact????? Don’t we, as women, complain if our husbands stop showing us affection? Don’t our husbands complain if we stop being physical with them? (And, this is stereotypical to suggest that we withhold sex while they withhold affection: but again, you get my point). children grow up so fast, I really don’t care if I “Give him too much attention” as most of the experts think. Pretty soon, he will be grown and I don’t want to say to myself: “I wish I would have held him more, but I would have been giving him too much attention.” Besides, the literature that I have read shows the exact opposite. And, Asian philosophy (at least some of it) supports co-sleeping — at the minimum.
then there is the sleeping. Yes, I co-sleep. By this I mean, The baby, DH and I sleep in the same bed. Now, I, at first, was hesitant to admit this while staying in the hospital. I remember what happened just two years ago to another blind couple in Missouri. They had their baby taken away by social services (while in the hospital) for much less. I am nortoriously horrible at providing links, but I assure you that it happened and can be googled. But, the fact was there. I slept with him in the hospital. There is a whole host of reasons why I choose to cosleep. Although I am still having difficulties nursing and must feed him a bottle of pumped breast milk (most of the time including at night), it is much easier to assess his needs when he is near. In fact, the response time is much quicker. When baby starts whimpering, I can just sleepily reach a hand over and pat his back. I actually get more sleep if Baby is with me because I am not trying to hear a baby monitor, running back and forth from my bed to his, etc. There is night bonding that we would not get if we did not sleep together. DH is more likely to help if/when he hears the baby cry, also.
When the “You are just going to spoil him,” argument doesn’t work, the “fear of SIDS” argument is trotted out. Check out Dr. Sears’ website.
he has some great articles and resources about sids and co-sleeping. But, just logically, think of this. America has the highest rate of Sids, but one of the lowest rates of co-sleeping. Co-sleeping is more prominent in African, asian countries and caribbean islands, yet, their “Sids stats” has not gone up.
It is becoming a trend for DH, myself and Baby to listen to a couple of podcasts on the IPhone before drifting off to sleep. that means, we bond a bit. There are also other resources that talk about Attachment parenting and cosleeping, sids and Western/Eastern societies, practices in developing countries, etc. I will say this:
1. if I decide to take medication to increase my milk, I’ll leave baby in the bassinette(did I spelll that right) that is beside our bed; 2. I don’t drink alcohol or take any type of medication;
3. Baby does not sleep on his stomach unless he is sleeping on my chest; 4. I take boppies/nursing pillows etc out of bed;
5. if Baby sleeps between DH and I (which is rare), I always put my arm out so that DH would (hypothetically) roll on my arm before squashing Baby;
We “had” to choose a pediatrician before leaving the hospital, so DH called a friend and got a recommendation. she is … .. OK, but still kind of heckles me about co-sleeping. I wish that I could have found a pediatrician who understood co-sleeping and my reason for the choice, but: can’t change it. I might print out some of these Dr. Sears articles and hand them to her next time. We are all ok. I just dread the vaccination and food conversations with her. Although, we will heavily vaccinate before going to Pakistan, yet it seems that research is recommending delaying some of the vaccinations: which sounds like lots of common sense. But, that, too, is for another day.
Going to get some rest: … … napping with my baby. Hmm, maybe the first book I should read to Baby is “the Napping house.”


One Response to “sleeping contraversies”

  1. Being a “Mature Mommy” « Parenting Past Perceptions! Says:

    […] I don’t want to go off on a tangent here. I wrote a post about co-sleeping. You can find it My extensive post on co-sleeping There are many parents who co-sleep and Dr. William Sears, a prominent pediatrician, has done […]

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